Six Dates to Referral Romance

Dating and doing MOM’s both require people to gradually reveal more about themselves over time. Whereas dating is often the preamble to romance, MOM’s are the mechanism for building profitable referral relationships. The rules that apply to both are more universal than you might think.

The lifestyle section of the local paper recently ran a story called “The Second Date: More May Be On the Line Than the First.”

Which I found incredibly redundant because by definition, a second date requires an additional investment of time, energy, money, hope, curiosity, attraction, and other human dynamics. More is definitely on the line. Return on investment is far from certain.

According to the article, “While the first date is akin to kicking the tires of a sports coupe on a car lot, the second date is like taking your potential dream rig for a test drive.” In other words, the article suggests that we use a different strategy with each progressive encounter when it comes to dating. My question is this: Could we benefit from treating MOM’s the same way?

For instance, the article goes on to say that before the second date…"you should have some idea of what you have in common as well as where you differ in terms of family values, career and personal goals, and personality." BNI members can use the GAINS profile as a first date strategy, then move on to more in-depth information if a connection is made. “As more information is revealed, a better decision can be made about whether another date is the way to go.”

THE MEMBER CHALLENGE: What if you committed to going on six “dates”—doing six MOM’s with the same person. What if you agreed up front to a different strategy for each date, at the end of which you had to make a decision whether to see that person again or walk away. And…this is the best part…what if each dating strategy was planned in advance, so all you had to do was show up and execute the strategy. Think “The Dating Game” in a referral context, minus the anxiety of actually planning the date.

Choose one potential referral partner and agree to try these six MOM strategies in sequence. It might take a month or two or even three, but the chances of building a long-term relationship leading to referral romance would increase astronomically. At the very least, you will know so much more about that person and be in a much better position to both give and receive referrals. In other words...you have nothing to lose.

MOM #1: GAINS Profile. Complete the profile about yourself in advance, and ask your partner to do the same. When you meet, exchange profiles and base your discussion on the most interesting parts of each other’s background. Try to establish commonalities and build rapport.

MOM #2: Bio Sheet. Complete the Bio Sheet about yourself in advance, and ask your partner to do the same. When you meet, exchange Bio Sheets and base your discussion on the most interesting parts of each other’s background. Continue to establish commonalities and build rapport.

MOM#3: Contact Sphere Planning Sheet. Complete the Planning Sheet in advance and ask your partner to do the same. When you meet, exchange lists and talk about ways to facilitate introductions to your top three.

MOM#4: 16 Questions. Take turns asking and answering these questions about each other. Start with #1 at the bottom of the page and work your way up to Question #16. This might actually take several “dates” for both partners to get answers to al 16 questions about each other, but the effort is well worth it.

MOM#5: Your Favorite or Last 10 Customers. Have a discussion with your partner about the last 10 or favorite kind of customers. Why were they favorites? What specifically made them so enjoyable to work with? If I asked your favorite customer why they valued your product or service, what would they say? What product or service did you provide them with? Where could I find more people like that for you to do business with? What would I say to them when I found them?

MOM #6: Personal Prospect List (PPL). This takes time, but complete the PPL in advance and ask your partner to do the same. Review each person’s list and talk specifically about how to facilitate introductions to people on the list. Unless your previous dates have gone well, this strategy is not likely to be effective. People will not be open about who they know unless they are comfortable with who you are as a person and as a business man or woman.

Completing these six dates might take a month or two or even three, but the chances of building a long-term relationship that leads to referral romance would increase exponentially. Success in BNI is on the line, and well worth the effort.